“Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” A Friends Story.
Well it’s finally happened….I finally know someone personally that is going to live with a women whom he met on the internet, without ever having met in person, only spoken to by phone. And driving cross country as well leaving behind a lot of stuff, some of which I’ve gotten. If for no other reason than to make sure it’s somewhere safe and available to him in the event that things don’t work out. Some very nice stuff too I might add.
I say finally happened to me as though it’s some sort of bad thing, and that’s certainly not what I meant. What I meant is that I know of others, but I don’t know them personally. These would be people far removed from me, folks that you hear about, or read about, or a friend knows someone etc.etc. This guy is a good friend, so I guess that’s what makes the difference. But I didn’t see this coming. I knew that he was chatting with someone he said he had met online, and that they talk by phone from time to time…but in a span of maybe 10 months to a year the subject of his possibly heading out to Californ-e-ia never came up. So…here it is and it’s surprising the heck outta me because if you knew the man, he’s very settled, has a nice place with nice things, and one that even if you didn’t know the guy you’d probably assume that he’s pretty much here to stay.
Some years back I remember reading about, then seeing a news piece on it. A story about this couple that fell in love online, met once, and decided to get married. The bride was adamant that they wait until the honeymoon to consummate the marriage, and so the groom agreed. The bride goes home to pack and move in with the groom since he had a bigger place. Neither had much money so they decided that the honeymoon would have to be put off, and so they married. Long story short….marry, party, go home, time to get down to business, and the bride is a not a bride…the bride is actually a groom, Eewwwww! Yeah, there was some sort of legal wrangling and the thing was annulled. So it does serve as a reminder that you just can’t know everything completely.
There are other stories out there like that, but their are also a number of success stories of online meetings that end up quite nicely fine. I’m hopeful for my friends sake that this will be the case. I could only imagine the look on his face if he were to get a surprise like that! Yet what I find somewhat strange in all of this is that I….yeah me, uh-huh, me, don’t have an opinion one way or another. I’m happy for the guy and hopeful for the best. I guess I’m old fashion in that I want to have a romance and know the person through touch, through physical interaction, by looking into their eyes, seeing facial expressions when they talk or answer. And just spending time with the person before I come to some sort of life changing decision. Yes…I have had whirlwind romances before so shut-up!
I guess my point being is that there would have been a time when I would think, “you’re nuts!” Of course I do advocate caution, but then I advocate caution in a lot of things. Like being around me requires the use of extreme caution! I think that since the announcement I’ve heard I think 3 somewhat dissenting opinions on the move. But for the most part the same kind of feeling as me. I guess we’re living in the 21st Century. Wait….my mom is still back in the early part of the 20th Century, so she’s very against the idea of someone just picking up and leaving like that to move into someone else’s place after only online chats and phone conversations. I see her point….personally I wouldn’t do something like that, but that’s just me. And I don’t judge or criticize anyone that would choose that path. To each his/her own, you’re an adult and you’ll either be very happy, or the opposite, very unhappy. That would truly suck, especially if you’ve left a lot behind.
Well I guess the biggest question I have is, say in the event that things don’t work out and he wants to come back, and reclaim his stuff, you know, some of the nice stuff. Would the 9/10 possession law hold up if I wanted to invoke it? Would he be well within his rights to reclaim the things even though there was no sale? Or just be billy bad-ass and kick my butt and just take it all back. I’m laughing as I write this because we’re very good friends, and none of that would matter should the man come on back. I’m quite blessed, so there would be no problems at all. And I did make it clear that I’ll only charge him a small storage fee should he return…he he. I guess the moral to all this comes down to a question for most folks. It could be a “yes or no” answer, or with some folks it might be a “well it depends” type answer….and that opens up a whole bunch of doors and possibly cans of worms.
I’m getting too old for cans of worms so I’m a no. But if one of you out there decides that you’re going to go like that, I know a great storage facility that’s real cheap! Ha ha ha. And ya know, that brings up another thing…leaving possessions behind, no sales just give away. Like I said, I’m quite blessed, and to me things are just things, things can always be replaced. Family and friends can’t. However….for the nice things that I do have, I’ve worked hard and long to get to the level I’m at and to have some of the things I have. No I’m not rich…I just feel that way. But I couldn’t just up and start giving stuff away like this. You’re not getting my neato electronic stuff, or all or any part of any of my collections, I wouldn’t even sell that stuff. I made damn sure that he was certain that he wanted to do this and he said yes. He said that he didn’t want to keep things and wanted to travel light, said he can start all over brand new.
Plus being the decent guy he is, (I taught him everything he knows), a good portion of his furniture and wall hangings and things like that are going to his only niece who could really use a lift…that’s a good thing. He also said that between himself and her they decided together what he figured would be good to take along. Which sat well with me because it indicates that she’s not looking to be a gold-digger. Sounds like she’s comfortable herself, and according to my friend she’s settled and responsible…that too is good. All in all things seem ok, or as good as possible given the circumstances. What would you do? Like “The Clash” said….”Should I stay or should I go?”
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I’d never burn my bridges behind me to move across the country to pin my hopes on someone I’d never met in person. Just wouldn’t happen, period. Now, I don’t see anything wrong with him going out there for an extended visit with her to see how they get along, but to do it “sight unseen” just boggles my mind.
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I met someone on the internet 11 years ago, and we have carried on a friendship/relationship since that time. We talk almost daily either on the phone, text messaging, or on some chat program or other. We have only had the opportunity to meet once, but things went very well and we probably could be right for one another. However, as you can tell by the 11-year friendship, neither of us is anxious to jump into anything permanent. Who knows what the future would bring, but for the time being, we are happy with what we have. No strings and somebody to talk to, and just knowing that somebody thinks you are special is enough for now. I know for certain that I would never leave everything behind for that kind or relationship. My family and friends are far too important to me. Meeting someone in the internet does let you know someone to a certain extent, but nothing beats face-to-face meetings and interactions. I personally need to see how a person treats others to get a true sense of that he/she is like. I hope things work out for your friend. Sometimes – you just need to throw caution to the wind and take a leap of faith.
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Well, I think everyone here knows what I’d do ;p
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Del…you’re one of the exceptions of the rule and you’re blessed to have had your thing work out the way it has. But it makes you wonder how many out there completely fail….like it becomes a totally wrong move.
Laurie…11 years is a good long while, but that’s how you two are and I’d bet that by now that you know each other pretty good yeah?
I’m just like you, I need the face-to-face. And I like your addition of “seeing how he/she treats others.” THAT…is very important and it does reveal a lot about a person.
Yeah Will…with me, wouldn’t happen. And I did suggest to him hows ’bout just an extended visit. There’s enough of us that we could take care of the place while he’s gone. I dunno, it could be a financial reason for not doing that.
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i’m the one who made the move west, and NO it didn’t work out! It lasted exactly one month, and the lady’s grown daughters felt that a different man (than their recently deceased father) should not be living with their mother! Actually it was only a room rental, as a base for traveling throughout California with 3 or 4 day weekend day trips!!
Alas, I was asked to leave, and since I had no place to live I was headed back to Pennsylvania to start over yet once again! I had experienced a train trip that skirted the Interstate 80 highway, and it was a very scenic trip! So I headed north to use that route back to Pa, and stayed in a motel in Reno, Nevada for the first night! Reno sits at an elevation of 4800 feet, and due to the time frame (November) I-80 was constanty being closed because of many sudden, and enormous snow storms! I ended up stranded in that motel in Reno for 7 months…there was no way I could start the trip back without the fear of being stranded somewhere else, or even on the side of the road!!?
There were several times that I decided to find a place to live there, and each time I was lucky enough to find a place, I would tell my friends back east…and then I would change my mind beacuse I wanted to be back in Pa with those very same friends! This happened about three different times, and my best friend got tired of my constantly changing my mind, and told me he felt like I was harrassing him, and his family! I was very hurt by that comment, and we haven’t spoken since…which I regret to this day!!
I was trying to rediscover myself out there, and knew I had no place to go home to! I had no furniture, or any home furnishings!! My niece sold everything I gave her before I left Pa (much to my surprise, and dismay), and there were many times I just didn’t know what to do, or where to go, or even whom I could trust!!
I finally found a partially furnished place
near where I had lived before leaving Pa, and am back…unfortunately minus my best friend!! The stress while living in Reno caused me to become very ill while there, and still continues to this day!!
Yes, there are relationships stemming from internet, and telphone conversations that do work, and last a long time…but in hindsight I should have heeded my friend’s warning, and stayed put where I was!!